4/4/2026 : Well I guess this is my first entry. Lately life has been alright. I've been away from my wife and family in Lithuania due to work for the pastS 7 months. In 7 weeks I'll be home. I miss them everyday. I also cant wait to drive again. I feel like I'm going insane couped up in this room on my free time. Once work is over I tend to just stay on my laptop. Sometimes I'll go out for a beer with some of the guys here. But I mostly like to stick to myself. Part of me thinks they need a break from seeing me anyways. Today I also went ahead and purchased this domain. This website at least gives me something to do while I'm here. We aren't doing much work these next couple of weeks anyways. Hell in the height of my time here we were working from 0700 to 0100, then back to work at 0730. Glad that's over. Unfortunately the work will never stop and the hours will always be long. The plus side being a busy work day usually goes quick and gives me some satisfaction in my life. I am, however, excited to come home and purchase another truck in my fleet. I'm looking at a 1994 Chevy 2500 with a 6.5 Detroit turbo diesel. I know lots of people say that they're turds but I have a special soft spot in my heart for them. Maybe one day I will reveal my job, but for now I'll keep it on the down low. All I can say is 7 more weeks!

4/5/2026 : I really didn't have much going on this Easter Sunday. Thank you Jesus for sacrificing yourself for all of man kind. I patiently await your return to save us all. I slept most of the day because I stayed up all of last night up until 0800 making that stupid chat room. It's weird, for things that make no difference in the world, I get hyper focused on getting it done. I also get focused on the wrong stuff... Its usually what happens during work. I dont understand it. I dont understand my mind. I cant help it either. I was thinking about it today and my behaviour is weird when it comes to my career. On the inside, I am motivated, I enjoy what I do, and I actually enjoy the long hours because it means I dont have to think about how meaningless my life is. But on the outside, I tend to be loud, annoying and act like I dont give a shit. Especially as soon as one thing doesnt go in my favor when troubleshooting a problem on a vehicle. As soon as there is a problem, I loose all confidence in myself. I dont want to be like this. Infact, I hate myself for acting like this. But I cant help it. I act this way to fit in. I have always been a lost in search to be found. But I never will be. It is extremely frustrating.I feel dumb. I feel useless. I pray to god to change me. Help me simmer down. Help me become somebody different. But alas, I am still here. And I still struggle with my identity. Im positive im not the only one out there who feels like this. And to anyone who does, you have my pitty. I know the struggle. The pain. But it will all be ok soon. I just have to give it time.

4/6/2026 : Fortunately I have another day off due to easter sunday... Is what I would say if I actually enjoyed my time off. On my days off, I sit in my corner alone, typing away on irc or working on this webzone. The other time is spent reflecting and thinking about the choices that got me here. And its my fault. I am the one who signed the papers for the job. Nobody to blame but myself. Ironically the hardest part of the job is the time off they give us. I dont like to think. I just like to do, and go go go. I dont know what else im going to do today. I've been missing out on breakfast lunch and dinner due to my sleep schedule. I rather sleep during the day so I dont have to think. Nobody enjoys my company anymore. I dont know how to change. I want to be somebody else. Maybe i will add more features to this website today. Or maybe I will continue this path of being a lazy ignorant fuck and just sleep all day. I dont want to be like this. I have been trying to get closer to God. I feel like my connection with him has been lack luster. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

4/7/2026 : Today was an extremely productive day at last. At this time we are conducting services on vehicles, which always keeps me busy and free of bad thoughts. Somedays I wounder if over think about how people view me. Days like this go extremely well. I am busy, consistant, and work alone without even giving the opportunity to annoy people. One of those days where I felt like I was myself. Not over the top, was able to make people laugh, and get work done. I did however end up snapping an oil chip collector, which normally when something like that happens my day goes south. But oddly enough today, I wasn't sweating it. Only 2 more weeks of maintnence and then its time to pack up and go home. I only fear when I am not working, my mental health will decline without any work keeping me busy. But I'm not trying to kill the good vibes I am feeling right now. Thank you God for another blessed day. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sins. One day, everyone will see who the true king is. I know I do. God bless us all.

4/8/2026 : Days seem to be going quicker. I am loosing track of time. I cant say I feel happy, but I dont feel depressed either. Just a fine median of uncomfortable satisfaction. Just have to keep reminding myself to keep going and push through. I am almost done. I really have nothing else to add for today. Just another day of working, checking emails, and hopefully going to sleep tonight. Lately I have been getting close to 4 maybe 5 hours of sleep. Some days zero. Maybe it explains my erratic behaviour. I just do not know anymore. Lately I have been feeling like my computer is being bugged. I can't prove it nor tell you why. Maybe the lack of sleep is increasing my .

4/9/2026 : Another day that was an absolute nothing burger. I have nothing to say today. I dont feel anything or feel anything. Just chaotically neutral. Just clock in clock out, go to bed. I do feel tired again which is always a good sign. Just thinking about going home. How excited I am to see my wife and family. Tomorrow is friday at least. Another day another penny.