4/4/2026 : Well I guess this is my first entry. Lately life has been alright. I've been away from my wife and family in Lithuania due to work for 7 months. In 7 weeks I'll be home. I miss them everyday. I also cant wait to drive again. I feel like I'm going insane couped up in this room on my free time. Once work is over I tend to just stay on my laptop. Sometimes I'll go out for a beer with some of the guys here. But I mostly like to stick to myself. Part of me thinks they need a break from seeing me anyways. Today I also went ahead and purchased this domain. This website at least gives me something to do while I'm here. We aren't doing much work these next couple of weeks anyways. Hell in the height of my time here we were working from 0700 to 0100, then back to work at 0730. Glad that's over. Unfortunately the work will never stop and the hours will always be long. The plus side being a busy work day usually goes quick and gives me some satisfaction in my life. I am, however, excited to come home and purchase another truck in my fleet. I'm looking at a 1994 Chevy 2500 with a 6.5 Detroit turbo diesel. I know lots of people say that they're turds but I have a special soft spot in my heart for them. Maybe one day I will reveal my job, but for now I'll keep it on the down low. All I can say is 7 more weeks!

4/5/2026 : I really didn't have much going on this Easter Sunday. Thank you Jesus for sacrificing yourself for all of man kind. I patiently await your return to save us all. I slept most of the day because I stayed up all of last night up until 0800 making that stupid chat room. It's weird, for things that make no difference in the world, I get hyper focused on getting it done. I also get focused on the wrong stuff... Its usually what happens during work. I dont understand it. I dont understand my mind. I cant help it either. I was thinking about it today and my behaviour is weird when it comes to my career. On the inside, I am motivated, I enjoy what I do, and I actually enjoy the long hours because it means I dont have to think about how meaningless my life is. But on the outside, I tend to be loud, annoying and act like I dont give a shit. Especially as soon as one thing doesnt go in my favor when troubleshooting a problem on a vehicle. As soon as there is a problem, I loose all confidence in myself. I dont want to be like this. Infact, I hate myself for acting like this. But I cant help it. I act this way to fit in. I have always been a lost in search to be found. But I never will be. It is extremely frustrating.I feel dumb. I feel useless. I pray to god to change me. Help me simmer down. Help me become somebody different. But alas, I am still here. And I still struggle with my identity. Im positive im not the only one out there who feels like this. And to anyone who does, you have my pitty. I know the struggle. The pain. But it will all be ok soon. I just have to give it time.